He who thinks of his past looks to the earth.
He who thinks of his future, looks to the sky. (Aristotle)
I'm afraid of boarding a plane. I always have been.
A plane crash requires a series of crazy things coming together...
things, that go beyond the laws of physics. Among them...
...Murphy's law - maximum disaster.
But no, a plane crash depends on the theory of Gruyere cheese.
I was about ten or so, when I first heard about this theory.
A colleague of my father, explained to me why I shouldn't be afraid:
the probability of a plane crash is equal to...
the probability of cutting all the holes,
while taking a slice of Gruyere cheese.
I must admit, I wasn't convinced by this.
Especially years after, when on 25th May 1991, at 6:20pm...
the plane Paris-Zurich, flight number LTZ 5632, led by my father's colleague, crashed.
One manages sometimes, to cut all the holes in a slice of cheese.
That's how it is. It's the Gruyere cheese
Alfa 234, what's going on? - The 2nd engine failed.
We settle for a glide touchdown. - We'll smash down!
No, we won't smash down! - We'll touchdown in gliding mode.
I can think of 3 jumbo planes which landed without engines.
Three of how many? How many?
The plane will flatten like hitting concrete when we hit the sea!
Lemacon, you get on my nerves. Fuck off!
and sharks will queue for the lucky survivors.
Get out, I said, Lemaçon!
I'm heading to the tail, I'll take my chance. - Get a mask then, and a life jacket.
Alfa 234, what's happening? - Nothing at all. A minor hitch.
- OK
- Replace him Monsieur Kerbec. - But I'm not a pilot!
You may ask what I'm doing on an Airbus A320 above the Pacific...
with failing engines and gliding freely?
I'm asking the same question.
I was born on an AF453 somewhere between Paris-Tahiti
Getting born prematurely, earned me a magic ticket,
meaning life-long free flight.
My mother died while she was giving birth,
because of the bleeding she got during the turbulence.
LOVE IN THE AIR
That flight left a tragic side effect on me: Fear of flight.
I had a happy childhood, in a small house...
in a suburb of Orly airport.
My father was writing for an automobile magazine. He was given test drives.
It felt great when he came home with an Eve Lamborghini, Porsche 911...
or BMW and took me with him.
- I was always listening to the same refrain: - Faster, reckless, dynamic.
OK, we got it, so what?
A big steering wheel, difficult to control. A very high gas pedal.
A gear box, a bit loose A hard clutch pedal
When you look at the cars they produce, one thinks the Italians must be sadists.
Beware...
Can't compare with our old Mustang, whatever happens.
- Isn't that right son? - Yes dad.
I forget to mention that he loved our '67 Ford Mustang.
Wash the car, not me
You'll see, the V8 engine
likes a bit of tickling a lot. It runs so well, that...
at full full throttle it gives a great thrill. When you press hard on the pedal...
the cable is at full stretch to open the double carburetor's valves.
OK, start the ignition now.
As you can see, this young lady fancies a bit on start up.
Ok, now put the gear to "D" and press slowly on the gas pedal.
Come on, put it to D and press the pedal.
Yes, that's it.
- That's fine. - Where will we go dad?
Doesn't matter where the road goes. Being on the road itself, is important
Now, watch the road carefully.
He died while test driving a new Mercedes.
I was about 20 and had recently left home.
I couldn't help thinking that his death
had something to do with my leaving home.
I'm not afraid of driving. Even if it has 185 times more...
risk of death. A telpher has 21 times and an elevator 9 times...
more risk of death.
But I don't care about that. I would prefer the elevator.
I met Charlotte on an elevator.
Would you like some lady? Come on, a drag?
I met Ludo during biology class. - It dries up your mouth but cool.
Its scientific name is "Cannabis sativa".
An Indian cannabis derived drug.
Madame Pérotin's biology classes!
Like hashish or marijuana
- Marijuana! - We definitely learned those at classes.
Some addicts even mixed it with cake.
Using it for a long time, decreases sexual performance.
On Saturday, I'm going to go a party, with Agnes. That goof,...
with knitted hair, sitting at the front.
Childhood friends... If you don't get rid off them while young,
You'll endure it all your life.
I was at a concert last night. That Anabelle...
was a real dissapointment.
At the end of the first song, she started to wave her arms.
Both armpits were like one of Jackson Brothers.
That's too much! Even in a disco era. Terrible.
Marie had given a party, I was there.
Marie puked up over her Chinese.
Even his father had given up hope with Ludo.
500.000 deaths in a year in France. Gives us a lot of work.
Well, our job is secure.
I offered Ludoviç a job, you know.
Listen well, the most lucky part of it: Driving and carrying coffins.
A job on a golden tray.
What do you think he said to me? My own son.
'I'd rather carry sushi than corpses' That's what the idiot said.
Maybe suits are not his style.
Sorry but it has nothing to do with suits, it's a funeral co-ordination.
What's his style?
He couldn't make money from raw fish, could he?
I didn't mean this. You can't blame him for not doing the same job.
Why not this? My grandpa and my father did this job.
And I do, so will my son! - Yes
On our signboard ot states: "By father to son, since 1871"
What if your grandpa were an executioner? Or, a gangster...
My father was writing for an automobile magazine.
But I wouldn't do the same thing.
Your father was a good man.
Hey, Yann...
Could you try talking to him?
No. You know the saying.
If you want to lose a pal, then help him.
Why did he die?
An elevator accident.
On the other hand, I think I can understand Ludo's father.
Ludo was like the seven calamities of Egypt, on his own.
Although, he was my friend.
Once he had organized the best party of the year for us.
At Clémence's house. - I'm from the Sushi Planet.
Hi, I was waiting for you.
Ludo met Clémence when he brought her sushi.
She should have opened the door half naked and kneeled in front of him.
My sushi isn't bad.
''should have opened'' I said, because I heard another version from Charlotte...
A close friend of Clemence. - Good evening. -The Sushi Planet, good evening.
On Saturday, after eight. Bring whom ever you want.
I will mess up on my 20th birthday.
OK, thanks... No, It was the sushi kid
You brought some champagne, right?
- I bought one. - Let me see it.
Just let me look.
Cheap apple wine. You changed the label, shame on you!
- Think they'll notice? - Sure, it's stuck on so badly.
''Clemence celebrating 20th birthday,
please make allowances...'' What does that mean.
I don't feel good about tonight. - An awful plan...again.
I've had 10 years of it. - Change your friends.
And, what did you do?
Forget it.
Good evening. - Good evening. Upstairs?
Yes. -You've come for Clemence's party? - Right.
What happening now? - I'm making a joint.
One second - What?
Nice cigarette.
Pest! - What?
Hi! You look great. - You came!
Come on in!
- Good evening. -Hi. - Who are you?
They are with me. - Come in
- No fighting. - Don't worry.
- Champagne! - Happy birthday!
Thank you.
Ludo is a cool guy, easygoing like a lamb.
But while partying, he can't do without fighting.
Get out. You too, get out. - Let me go, let go I said.
You are an unbearable man. - He spits on my face, I can't fool myself that it's raining.
That pygmy broke my nose, definitely.
Just look at this, it's bleeding.
- So what's so funny? - Yes, funny but, look.
Charlotte...
Follow touchdown plan. Start with normal level.
You're in position. But you're a bit too high. Try again.
- The nose, higher! -5 miles left to touchdown.
- we can see the lights. - OK, good luck.
- That was good, right? - Right, it was very good.
But the air controller was... Forget it.
- You didn't like? - I did, I did.
Nice.
The opening door test was something I had seen on a film.
If you take a lady with you in your car then, you open the door for her.
She gets in first.
You close it and go to your own side
If she opens it for you, then it's a finished job.
For me it means: The woman of my life is in front of me.
- Your car? - Inherited from my father.
A '67 Ford Mustang.
It sometimes has problems, but dad said, never sell it.
And I drive it on occasional special days.
Tonsillectomy
on the Ford Mustang and baaam!
You climb up the plane-tree the ''mus'' to the left, the ''tang'' to the right.
- To the left, to the right.
- What's going on Yann? - Nothing... nothing.
Thank you for this nice evening.
It was wonderful.
- Are you OK? - Yes, yes I am.
OK, see you then.
Yann, you may come in if you want. You know.
- So? - Sorry, any light?
What, what did you say? Are you looking for trouble?
- Yann, keep calm. - No, no!
Don't push your luck. You'll regret it.
Take your friends and fuck off! Or I'll smash your heads together.
That stupid threat, was Ludo's trump card ...
exciting the girls and leading them to bed
According to him, it works.
I'd asked d him to arrange that fight.
He arranged three guys to mess with me at midnight at Charlotte's home...
Then I got that...
those buggers Ludo had arranged had missed the last train.
But, anyway, it had worked.
I spent the night with Charlotte.
So it was, I fell deeply in love.
She reminded me of Estelle Buisson, but only better.
Estelle Buisson... A bewitching girl two classes higher.
She had showed her tits to us among the chlorine and stinking dirty socks
in the changing rooms of the Jules Ferry high school.
- One year in Australia... - Sorry.
- Would you visit from time to time? - No.
I can't afford the plane ticket. But you don't pay for flights...
You may come to see me on holidays.
Christmas will come soon.
Christmas...
- And Christmas is in the summer in Australia. - Right.
Can you travel by ship?
That moment, I tried to convince myself that the power of my love...
would overcome my fear of flight, and that I could spend Christmas with her
When I was a child, I used to ask my father if Christmas was soon...
from September on. It was just too long...
But this time it was quite short.
Attention, last call for passengers of flight AA5201, destination Sydney
Please go to boarding gate 21.
We don't have any spare parts.
The sensible thing would be to cancel this flight.
Surely?
- I take the responsibility, OK? - Whatever you want, you're the boss.
If needed, put on the life-jackets placed under your seats.
That's too funny.
Even though not one plane has successfully landed on sea in the history of civil aviation history...
they try to teach us how to wear life-jackets.
I'd prefer they'd given us parachutes. - Mademoiselle? - Yes, Monsieur?
- That gentleman near the emergency exit - Yes?
Do you think that a man of that age could open that door in case of an emergency...
Do you really believe in this?
Since, on the flight rules it states that besides the main and subsidiary..
emergency doors, someone capable of opening these doors...
will have a seat. Article 83.
- But, mister... - But nothing!
Do you really think that that the old demented man can...
open the emergency door do you believe this?
Sorry, I have to go to the WC.
Get the cabin chief here at once.
I didn't dare to call Charlotte and explain.
A few days later she left a short message for me:
- Yann, we should talk. - ''We should talk''
- It was far from explanatory - She left.
She kicked me in the ass.
Ladies and gentleman, thank you for your generosity.
- Come on, don't do that. Just one missed. - Shut up Ludo, you don't get it.
She means everything to me. You can't find one like her everyday.
Cut it short, you've been together three weeks.
Three weeks like a dream.
Never can fill your place.
The woman of my life, slipped through my fingers.
Yann, just listen.
Just remember Madame Perrotin's biology classes.
What's a woman? 95% water.
Water, that's all.
Childhood friends.
Look, I wanna say something important: If she really is the woman of your life...
You'll meet one day. And there will be no plane between you.
Meanwhile, I was trying to forget Charlotte
But though I tried hard, I couldn't.
We should talk.
I'd have laughed if someone had come up and said that
you'll regret it for 10 years that you didn't take that plane.
Would have laughed also if someone would have said that I would work for the civil aviation.
When I was a child, I wanted to become a koala keeper
Koala keepers were like that.
They sometimes stunned them with their blowpipes
I wanted to do this too.
I was accepted for the National Aviation and Space Academy...
and have become a security expert in a well-known airway company.
My duty is to minimize the possibility of a plane crash.
That's a dream for sure.
As long as planes fly, they'll continue to crash.
I think that this is inevitable.
OK, start the touchdown procedure.
- Flaps above four. - Open and locked now.
Indicators normal. We are 4 miles and 1800 feet from the runway.
Wind 50 mph from right deviates our angle by 25 degrees.
We don't have enough power.
OK, OK. No panic. Stay as we are
Track in sight. Control tower? Left, Runway 8.
OK. You are permitted to touchdown.
Be careful there is a gale. Wind is 50 mph from angle 145 degrees.
It gets up to 60 miles. Altitude: 500 feet.
- Visibility is 1500 meters. - OK.
700 feet... 500 feet...
We are losing speed. The wind's deviates our direction.
- We should speed up. - Our speed is OK my friend.
- So, keep calm. -200 feet. Damn, I told you it wasn't enough.
- We're losing our angle - Switch off the automatic pilot
- No! - Switch it off. I am changing to manual.
-15 degrees deviation to the right. - We're gonna smash down. 50 feet.
- Slow down! - We're too unbalanced
- Damn! - Just watch what he's doing.
What a jerk he is! You accomplished the turn gentlemen.
Little arrogant.
- Miserable. - Who, me?
- We'll talk at the end. - No, let's talk now.
Please gentlemen! Keep calm.
To regain position, you should have avoided...
being dragged along by the wind.
And you should have increased your speed by 10 or 20% by taking...
possible hitches into account.
The 2nd pilot had warned you. But you didn't want to listen.
- You should have said something clearer. -320 deaths.
10% of plane crashes are because of communication problems of the pilot...
and the 2nd pilot. You should learn to listen.
He started Monsieur Kerbec. - What?
- Security... - You jerk.
- Yann Kerbec, platform No 2. - I'll show you now.
- I didn't wake up, did I? - What happened again?
- Good and a bad news. - OK, tell the bad one first.
- Marion through me out. - Really? At 2 am?
Yes. I had not much choice.
OK, come in.
Maybe you'll make up.
Frankly, I don't think so.
What was the good news then?
I'm moving in with you.
But only for a few days.
A lazy cuckoo would never build a nest for itself...
would rather use one owned by another bird.
For a few days, I believe it!
Nearly two years passed. Yes, exactly two years.
See you this evening.
''I should review the situation...
I should think about my future.'' was once said.
You're home?
Haven't finished yet.
Finished?
Pest. I've told you a thousand times Ludo, don't take me a ''Stranger" to the toilet.
Once I listened to psychologists on TV talking about reading habits in toilet
Right, it's a psychologic event.
The body wants to stuff something, while it's emptying something else.
For your dear friend Ludo, this is accomplished by reading Strange, right?
Even though, Ludo doesn't bother. He is like a fat cat, I feed at evenings.
You want me to carve? Come on.
Why don't you go and work with your father?
He is expecting this too. You know.
You think of me as a supplier.
No, funeral coordinator.
- You can't live your whole life on the dole - Cut it short. OK, it's OK.
- Sorry but there's 500.000 deaths each year. - You're getting on my nerves, you talk like my father.
And by the way, I got a job. - So? What do you do?
I am gonna test some products of a drug company.
- Wouldn't it be dangerous? - Well, they told me it isn't.
When are you going to start? - I did already.
So, you did.
- Well, what do you do exactly? - I'm testing an anti-alcohol plaster.
- While you drink wine? - As you see, it doesn't work.
You jerk.
I first saw the eyes of Alice.
- Then her mouth. - Excuse me.
And finally her voice... It sounded familiar.
I got used to sleeping with that voice
I don't understand what's happening to us
I had admired him for making suggestions about relations...
finding always the correct words.
He thought of love as faultless.
Remi, where are we going?
Stop it, don't be ridiculous.
I am hanging up now.
- Are you tired? - No. -No, no.
- Thank you for your help. - You are welcome.
You are so sweet.
- Not so fast. - You've been together for a while? Haven't you?
- Let me tell you. We met in Cleopatra, Mykonos island -No.
It was a fest in a local village. He had a small moustache.
And full leathers. I found it very sexy.
- We live together. - You rent it together?
No, in fact we share my apartment.
- He's tried to move for a long time. - And what do you do?
He is only temporarily here. And you?
You live alone?
Me... Ah, sorry.
- Remi, we gotta talk. - Big dude, I see what's coming.
Don't forget the neighbourhood laws.
Neighbourhood laws... When two girls, Caroline and Magali...
moved upstairs, we applied this rule.
Hi, we are your new neighbours living upstairs.
We are having a welcome party since we just moved in.
- We hope you will join. - Anyway you won't be able to sleep.
- OK. - You join, right?
Sure, with pleasure.
Fuck off out of my house.
- What are you doing there? - I'm getting to know you.
- Hi, I hope I'm not disturbing you? - Hi.
- No, how could you! - Hmm, may I come in?
Sure, come in.
Hi. What are going to do tonight? I had prepared a cake for you.
- Hi, is Yann there? - No, sorry.
Will he be around tonight then?
- You should solve this immediately - Right.
It's right that that Caroline case got an unbearable condition.
Ludo whispered how to end this.
Could you make some tea.
Few days after this, Celine was no longer speaking to Megali.
And they moved out at the end of the month.
And I promised to stay devoted to the neighbourhood laws
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm your new neighbour living on the 5th floor.
Could I borrow some milk?
- For my pussycat - Hmm...
- And? - Not bad.
- What are you thinking about? - I have loved so much...
But I can't spend half of my life like this
Honestly, I don't know what I have to do here.
The bed is something private. You make love, dream...
and there you take your last breath. You run to bed, when you are a kid...
to cry yourself out. You share your deepest secrets with it.
The bed is blessed. Like the cows in India.
So, you have a very very clear theory about beds.
I wanted you to come because I wasn't sure which one to choose...
spongy or springy?
To decide about this, one should test how they are by having sex on it.
You're right.
It creaks a bit. Annoying, right?
That spoils the desire.
May I help you?
- Your beds creak Monsieur. - No, they don't.
What are you planning for tonight? I may invite you for dinner.
Can't come tonight, I am meeting Remi again.
That's nice.
After such a failure, you can't push your luck more.
You shut up and look away.
Best is, to change the subject.
Elsa... From the first day on, our relation was quite fiery.
Congrats! No one has passed this test before.
It can simulate very well a DC8 on fire just after take-off...
and crashed into the Everglades near Miami...
with all possible detail.
Almost all die terribly.
And the survivors are choked down by crocodiles.
But as you have proved it could have been prevented.
Thank you Monsieur Kerbec.
I knew that Elsa was a great pilot since she had
passed the simulation test.
Therefore I couldn't resist as usual, when she had arranged a seat for me...
for a weekly trip to Los Angeles.
The day before flight, I searched at ''abouttosmashdown.com'' for any...
crash risk in the departure and destination points.
On the Paris-Los Angeles route there was a crash possibility of 1:16.890.804
It's possible for one in 13.983.816 to win the biggest lottery prize.
But there are still lottery winners.
Why didn't you go?
I would never believe that you could take a flight for an ordinary girl.
I was almost about to...
I'm sure. Come on, Alice is in the zoo. Let's join her. -She is?
- Yes. - What stinks like a carcass here?
From here. These throat lozenges I'm trying.
It's made of wild sage collected by the disabled.
It works though it's true that it smells awful.
It's so strong, it brings tears to my eyes.
- You're exaggerating. - Stop it. I'm going to vomit.
That's disgusting.
It's very polite of you Ludo to introduce us to your family.
This is a sign of that great trust you do feel for us.
Wow, just look at his head...
The bonobos are like that.
The closest species to us with a single gene difference.
Especially to you!
Do you know what they do to make peace with their enemies?
- No. - They make love.
A good lesson for humans.
Whatever they may be they stink.
It's an awful smell.
Are they infected or what...
I knew you got rid of Remi. I was alone too.
Are you coming?
Very bad according to neighbourhood laws.
Is Alice inside?
Meet Eddy. The greatest word economist of all times. - Busy.
- The cups are really elegant. - These are the ones used on Concorde.
With these, people drunk coffee at a speed higher than the speed of sound.
Are they valuable?
- Priceless. - Anyway, it was excellent.
- It was nice, wasn't it? - Excellent.
How did you both meet?
On the radio... We were working for my program
- What were you doing? - Maintenance.
OK.
- For a long time? - For a life long time.
Before, he was a sound technician at the cinema but he got bored with it.
- Why? - It was low-quality
- Toilet? -What? - Toilet.
That way.
Sorry...
What could you have in common with that guy?
We don't talk much.
That's enough...
I'm fed up with hearing their noises.
- You can't sleep either? - As I was laying down all day, now I can't sleep.
- Not an easy job. - Tiring.
- What are you watching? - A documentary about Kobe cows
- They get massaged their whole life and get beer to drink. - Like a dream.
- Your dream - My dream.
Do you think that I may reincarnate as a Kobe bull?
No, I think you were a Kobe bull in one of your previous lifes.
- That's your human shape. - Jerk.
- You're on the approach corridor. - Consult the control schedule...
- Do you want it? - No, let it be son.
I will take care of it. After 15000 hours of flight...
you get it on first sight. The barometer is ok. Ice solvent is off.
Security belts OK. closed circuit wireless.
Engine at ignition position. All altimeters fixed...
and controlled. Navigation systems controlled...
All is under control.
- Shall I start the touch-down procedure? - OK baby!
- Flaps to position 1. - Flaps at position 1.
- Your approach speed is too high - Impossible...
Touchdown set and flaps should have slowed us.
- Maybe bring flaps to position 2. - Go on son.
Flaps at position 2.
It didn't slow us. What's happening?
One moment, flaps are at position 2...
- you sayflaps are at position 0. - That's impossible, instrument is displaying 2.
Not a serious thing Monsieur Kerbec. It's a known fault
The instrument displaying the position of the flaps has failed.
Nothing else to do. OK, bring flaps to position 3.
- We still aren't slowing down. - Incredible. I say slow down!
Flaps to position 4!
Flaps at position 4. Fully open.
We're still too fast -Damn! - Left runway no 27 permitted for touchdown
- We may elevate and try the approach position again. - No son!
- Alarm for touchdown set. We forgot those. - No, it's impossible!
- Those 3 green lights are off.
What is that? It's not comprehensible.
100 feet... We're too fast.
50 feet... 30... 10... 50 fit... 30... 10...
Simulation ended. - You touched-down on your undercarriage
Touch-down set and flaps were not on, you forgot.
You skipped a part of the control list.
You forgot to activate the spare pumps and you didn't control...
- the hydraulic pressure - Impossible. The handle was ''DOWN'' and flaps were full open.
No, you didn't adapt any program.
Just follow what is written.
All of them had to be followed.
Normally, you should have controlled the upper panel.
The hydraulics are "OFF" they should have been "ON"
Hydraulics have to be in this position.
Quite easy, you had said, right?
Without the hydraulic pumps, there won't be enough pressure for
opening the flaps and touchdown set.
- What do we do now, Monsieur Kerbec? - We'll meet again.
OK. Let me pull the brake.
Doesn't make any sense, too late for this now.
I said we couldn't keep on like this
We can't be together, without communication.
What did he say?
''Sorry.''
Poor Eddy.
Anyone there you like?
No. I'm fed up with those temporary pointless relations.
- I thought it might be good being alone for some time - Alone?
- Even you? - Can't be attached to someone.
- No more. - I'll give you only a week.
- What do you think I am? - OK, two weeks then, but no more.
Bet on it?
- The winner decides. - After a resonable time.
- Sure. - OK.
I listened to you last night, as I always do every night.
Let me tell you that I don't agree with you about the guy who slept with...
His closest friend.
- He was afraid of losing her - And when the girl isn't stupid...
she should have known that he was going to leave her, and they stay friends.
Come on, answer me. Have you ever managed to be friends with girls you slept with?
- I'm not sure. - Let it be.
Who knows, if I meet Charlotte one day we may become friends.
No, if you meet her, you will think of getting her into bed.
In general, you are right.
You are my only girl friend.
Because we never slept together.
I don't mind.
Hey, don't try to tease me just to win the bet or what.
- I'm really soryy. - Clermence?
- Have we met before? - Yann, Yann Kerbec.
Charlotte's boy friend. Hmm, her ex-boy friend.
Yann Kerbec? I'm sorry, can't remember.
If I would remember all the ex-boy friends of Charlotte...
We met at the 20th birthday party.
I came with a friend of mine, with Ludo.
He broke the nose of a jerk wearing glasses accused him of changing champagne...
with apple juice or something.
Right, I remember. You are the bastard who...
left her when she went to Australia, right?
Right. How is Charlotte now?
Much better without you. And that jerk you mentioned is called Nicolas and is my husband.
- An angel had come from heaven... - And the flowerpot, you deserved it you jerk!
An angel saying that Charlotte is back
I had a simple plan. Following Clemence would lead me to Charlotte.
That night, I appointed Ludo for this job. And two days later...
For this here, I took a loan for 15 months from a bank.
- This is the first Che zippo. - Yes.
- Arouses respect huh?
Like every Che, on the alert every moment.
I have 500 more. Does this interest you?
Here, in order according to prod. date. No, don't ever touch it.
Get your hands off, please.
The fifties, the sixties.
- If you aren't interested... - No, my friend has come.
So?
Well, I have good and a bad news
OK, tell the bad first then.
- Just sit down, it might be better. Because... - I'm already sitting Ludo.
Let me guess Charlotte is married...
and has a lot of children, right?
Yea, right. Two children.
What's the good news?
- How many years have past since you last saw her? -10 years.
For each year she might have gained at least 2 kilos.
She is like Barry White now.
You haven't missed anything.
I think it's time for you to face your responsibilities, Michel.
If she really means so much to you, why don't you tell her, I can't understand.
Look, be a bit brave, and most important, don't ask yourself so many questions.
- Because, this won't lead you anywhere. - OK, I will.
Take care Michel, good luck.
Ohh, we're a bit foggy today. What happened?
I found Charlotte.
- So? - Well, she is married and has two children.
Come on, girls fall for you in dozens like leaves from a tree.
To find one like Charlotte, you have to wander around dozens of trees.
There might be one out there but she wouldn't be like her then.
Be honest, what were you expecting?
That she really waited for you?
Yann, you're like a child.
You still believe in fairy-tales.
Why, you don't believe anymore?
No.
But I believed a long time.
I was stupid enough to marry my prince on a white charger
Stuck in past memories isn't a good thing at all.
They prevent you growing up.
I'm not afraid of growing up.
You were married?
Yann, it's me. Wanna tell you something. I lied.
Charlotte isn't married and nor has she any children.
And beautiful as always. I'm sorry dude.
I really was afraid of this.
If you go back to her, I thought you might have chucked me out.
So, I lied.
I wouldn't do that, never.
- Fuck, sorry Yann. - Ludo, it's OK but no woman could come between us.
Did you get her address?
Yes, I did.
My writing was never very good.
I wrote my last letter when I was ten to my friend Dylan living in Texas...
and with him it didn't feel like close friends.
We never loved each other. We sent just insulting letters.
I was calling him a son of a bitch. And he was calling me a communist.
That was the letter of my life. That night I decided that I either write like Chateaubriand
or not all.
I never could write like Chateaubriand but it wasn't bad either.
I even copied from Proust.
''Love is like the curses in tales.
''till the spell fails, there's nothing you can do.''
How could I have been so blind, though she was always in my sight.
ALICE For a girl, I haven't seen for years...
the treasure, I threw away.
I had made my decision:
I would sponge over the past.
In any way it would be possible.
That morning, I got rid of them all:
bills, postcards, letters.
invitation cards, credentials,
warning letters and at least a love letter.
- Did I wake you up? - Yes.
What happened?
I decided to give up looking at the past.
I have left all behind me. Now, I have to look to my future.
No running away anymore. I'll grow up.
- What ever caused this? - I got my reasoning back.
I 'm going back to bed.
I love you Alice.
- What did you say? - Let's have dinner tonight, I said.
- I can't tonight. What about tomorrow? - OK.
Alice, I love you.
- What? - We may eat risotto with mushrooms.
OK, see you.
- Hi Monsieur Kerbec. - Hi, Castelot.
- Sorry, I'm a bit late. - Not important. Take your seat please.
- OK... Hi, I'm Bruno. - Sandrine.
This time, let's try to get a better result Castelot
Sure Monsieur Kerbec. I didn't do my best last time.
- I have problems with my wife with my ex-wife.
- When we are in the cockpit, we should leave our problems on land.
- OK Monsieur Kerbec. -Are we ready? - OK, let's start.
Security belt.
And Sandrine, are you ready to fly?
- OK. - You got take-off permission for Runway 9 on the right.
It's OK baby!
Velocimeter active. Speed 90 mph.
- V1. - Very good, Sadrine, V1.
Rotation. V2.
Variometer
How many hours of flight experience do you have Sandrine?
Don't missunderstand me, the one last time, was much more inexperienced.
He destroyed me from the inside.
What's going on?
We've got some vibration from the 1st engine.
I have shut off the fuel entry for engine 1.
To prevent a possible fire.
What's that alarm? I never heard this before.
Ah, sorry, it's my phone. Excuse me.
Hello. Yes. No, I'm at work.
I certainly don't have time. OK, we'll talk again tonight.
Yes, me too. OK, kiss you.
My wife. The new one.
- So, we were at...? - Still some vibration.
OK, so vibration still continues. I'll turn off the 2nd engine.
I can't believe this. He must have lost his mind.
We're falling down at 500 feet per minute.
We'll crash in about 2 minutes.
- Damn! How idiotic. - I didn't tell you to do it.
- Monsieur Kerbec, another try? - No, we don't play any games Castelot. -Altitude 800 feet.
200 feet... 100 feet... 200 fit... 100 fit...
- You're dead! - Damn!
You accomplished something for the 1st time. You turned off two engines, obviously working...
smoothly and smashed down an Airbus A-320.
Exactly the work of a fresh pilot.
Inexperienced...
I didn't even have time to start the test!
The skunk well known for its awful odour spreads a terrible smell in fright...
from its glands near the anus, at time of danger, and runs away.
Ludo, do you have any plans for tonight? I got a wonderful idea.
And, I will let you drive the Mustang.
You sign plane-crashes on the map, you're weird.
- Planes are an obsession for you, right?
No...
That's my job.
Why?
It attracts me.
- So, why? - Because planes always drifted into my attention.
Why?
- You're afraid of planes - What? -Nothing.
Where is Ludo?
I wanted to be alone a bit.
I sent him far away.
To an art-gallery in Saint-Michel he is watching a Japanese movie
Seven Samurai, swing their swords in mud for 3 and a half hour...
I feel ashamed of myself.
Why did you want to be alone?
Why could I have wanted that?
Guess.
Now, it's been exactly 15 days, and I haven't been with any one. You lost the bet.
- You'll go to heaven! - No, till midnight, I still have a chance.
And this makes...
we still have two hours and 15, no 14 minutes.
Not bad.
You're assertive.
Why didn't you call me for the meal?
Because, I got my reasoning back last night.
How this?
The woman of my life is not Charlotte.
She is just a ghost of my youth, I should have discarded much earlier.
You may just know the woman of your life only when you are...
in your death bed.
Because we never can foresee what the future has prepared for us.
Marriage for example, with all its fancy promises.
If you were fucking the bridesmaid , of your intended wife for months...
my best friend...
how could you promise...
in front of your family, your friends and god an oath of loyalty?
That slut, tight fitting slut dress...
was swaggering around and won my mother's heart,
laughed at my dad's stupid jokes. While the glasses were raised...
she made everybody sing ''my heart thumping''.
And my marriage collapsed.
Alice, would you marry me?
Why not?
- What are you thinking? - I'm gonna get the bet.
I was thinking of what I should choose as the award.
- Hi. - What are you doing here? Weren't you at the cinema?
- Right. - But you are not.
I had seen that film before, so I left.
In fact, not this one but had seen the one with the seven cowboys.
The cowboys were terrible, just terrible.
How are you Alice? You look pretty.
So, you haven't skipped anything. Candles...
Wow, you also bought ''Mon Cheri''?
That's very nice.
Don't feel bad. You lost. Admit it.
You also cooked your father's risotto, I loved it.
- Won't you open it? - I wanted to be a bit alone tonight.
- Only with you. - Hi, you called Yann Kerbec and Ludo who occupies Yann's house.
Only for a certain time... He will leave soon.
Yann, it's me Charlotte. I got your letter. It was wonderful.
- Do you have gas for those lighters of yours? Good morning. - Sure
- What are you going to do? - I'll explain.
- OK. - I missed you too, I never forgot you either.
I want to see you so much.
I'm waiting for your call. Here is my number.
"0612312842." Take care.
Alice...
Let's not talk this way, behind doors.
Please open it.
I know that you are there, and that you hear me.
I swear, I don't understand. I didn't write that letter.
Well, I did But I did'nt send it.
Ok she received it but I didn't post it, that might be a sign.
OK, I put it into the post box.
But then, I fired that post box.
I swear I'm telling the truth.
- I don't have to call her. - But you will, Yann.
You also know quite well.
You don't know how to say ''No''
- It's true that I can't say ''No'' - Good luck Yann.
When I called Charlotte and when she said ''would you like to meet me'' then I said ''Yes''
Then when she asked me ''Would you like to come upstairs?'' then I again said ''Yes''.
While we were kissing she asked, ''Would you like to stay?''', I said ''Yes'' again.
- Is that OK? - yes, it is. Thank you.
- Is that her? - Yes.
I know.
- I'm working here. - Wow, that's big.
Hey Ludo, attention! You see there is a line. You walk around it.
- Don't pass that line. - OK.
- Not bad huh? - Yes.
Come on.
- Any news from Alice? - No.
- But you feel OK, right? - Yes... I think so.
- That's what's important. - I'm not sure.
- What's that? - A new test. Hyper concentrated Vitamin C.
- It activates you too much, but I cope with it - Don't you think you should give up this stupid job?
Your eyes are like rabbits' eyes.
Not a good thing.
Do you see that red light over there?
- When it's turned on, you come in. - OK.
- Shall we start_ - Yes.
May I use accessories or such?
- Yes, but dont go to far, OK?
But you can't say I wanna zebra without lines, you know.
It's ok. Your string is loosened.
What? Aha, Yes.
110 miles. Rotation V1.
V2. Variometer positive.
- Open the touch-down set - Touch-down set open and locked.
Don't move! We hijack the plane!
- I'll give the orders! - OK, what do you want?
Terrorist made ineffective.
OK, thank you.
You'll pay for this this nonsense! Open it, let me out.
I'm not sure if this hijack simulation should be continued.
Suits me. Anyway, I got a few pennies paid for being trashed.
- Why did you want to be alone? - What are you thinking?
Alice, would you marry me?
Why not...
Hi Yann. Don't wait for me tonight.
I'm trying to rush my writing for editiing
We'll compensate later. Kiss you, my dear.
Could you put the garbage out? They're too heavy for my little arms.
- What's in there? Anvil or what? - I don't know.
- Are you coming? - Wow, just look!
Is that yoghurt or what? Looks awful.
No, it isn't bad.
Fermented lama milk with sea dog fat. For sportsmen.
It has all the calories one needs for the whole day.
It's on the edge
Last of its kind.
See you tonight.
What has she said about your magazines?
I said, what did she say about your magazines?
-She said that I should grow up. - Treats you rather hard.
It's not unfair. I should grow up.
You should grow up?
I should behave like an adult.
We gotta talk Ludo.
Don't exhaust yourself, I noticed.
I couldn't even take care of your magazines
It doesn't matter, dude.
Mayday, mayday... Tower, an emergency case. Mayday, mayday...
- Repeating, emergency case! - Engine no 1 failure!
- The engine is in flames. - We're falling at 1500 feet per minute
Can you guide us to the runway? Wireless is off.
Yes Ludo, it's me.
No news. I hope, you're not angry with me.
I'm on the roof of Saint-Ex, every evening after seven.
I'm there just now, drop by if you want.
We could have a few drinks. See you then.
The husband of a friend of mine, took the placenta after birth...
and buried it and planted a tree just there. An old russian tradition.
What a hard delivery it had been. Poor girl.
The husband of one of my office friends, did not sleep with her after delivery.
Do you wonder why? He saw when they were performing episiotomy to her.
- Episs.. what? - E-pis-o-to-my
They cut the part between anus and vagina to prevent it fron tearing.
I think I would like to deliver in a pool. Sounds nice.
You're right. Do you remember Penelope?
That fat slut, who slept with the historian
She also thought that it would be nice to deliver under water.
It took 30 hours and then she got urinary tract infection
What was worse, the baby got a trauma.
Now, she can't make him bath.
- Would you like another one? - No, thanks. I'm on diet.
Do you still keep to that silly New York diet?
No, now I follow a silly Tibetian diet. It's a taoist diet.
It's all about about balancing those Yin and Yang foods.
For example, that meal tonight was rather Yang.
Did you hear my love?
- Yes... - Yann?
Would you like to know the latest diet, the best of diets?
Recent research performed in Europe shows...
that women who swallow the sperm of their partners...
lose 48% more weight than who don't swallow.
A compound found in semen is thought to burn calories in digestive tract.
Are you drunk?
In semen, besides sperm, water, zinc, vitamin C...
prostaglandins and alkalines are present.
The alkalines, usually not wasting any calories with other chemical compounds...
interestingly result in astonishing events when mixed with sperm.
Magical... So, to stay slim, one has to swallow.
- I'm heading to bed. - Good idea.
With my magazine.
Alice, it's me, Yann.
I wonder what you're doing.
I'm on the roof of Saint-Ex...
in the evenings, after seven.
If you drop in here about then, we might have a drink.
I'm sorry.
Yann, it was lovely to see you.
- Charlotte, I've heard so much about you. -Only good things. Martini?
- I wanna some more water. - A little sausage?
No, thank you Madam.
- You can call me Catherine. - No, thank you Catherine.
Charlotte told me about your job. Must be very interesting.
Is it right that the black-boxes are in fact orange?
Come on tell me, do you want to have kids?
- Mom... - But dear, when I was your age, you were just 10 then.
That was in the old times. Now, kids come much later.
- Some sausage, Catherine. - No, thanks. I'm on diet.
- It's a fantastic diet, I know it. - Shut up!
I wanna have kids.
- But that's impossible. - Why?
Because we aren't even married yet.
- And, you made your final decision? - Yes.
- Nice.
OK, time to close, what do you think Yann?
It's OK even if you don't say good night. OK, Ok. see you tomorrow.
I've heard a lot of things about you Castelot. All good things.
- Gentlemen... - Hi, Monsieur Kerbec.
- Hi, Castelot. - Hi, Monsieur Kerbec.
- You again? - Yes, but it's all because of you.
- Indeed, is it? - If I don't pass your test, the company won't allow me to fly.
- Sure. - They gave me a last chance.
I wonder what I'll become when I don't pass it.
My new wife... She married a pilot, not a ground maintainer.
One should think about the passengers security, right?
I do already. But this simulator...
How to say it? It doesn't turn me on much.
It's like having a plastic doll instead of a real woman.
I need to live in reality. Feel the real risk.
An adrenalin case. I should feel the passengers shivering.
How to explain it?
Just do it like me. Dream as if it were real.
OK, shall we start?
It's OK.
- Come on, this time, it will work. - It will.
Monsieur Kerbec, could we skip London. Last week, I just forgot turning on...
the tracking lights while in fog.
- OK, let's go over to Honolulu. - Fine.
Paris-Honolulu will be very easy.
You will succeed Castelot. It will work.
I didn't want to go to London either.
It rains all the time.
OK, we start now.
Damned machine! I hate you.
It was fantastic Castelot. Didn't know about that flap brake.
If you hadn't lost your concentration, you nearly landed.
It's this test Monsieur Kerbec. Because it's stupid. Nonsense.
Come on, let's have a drink on me.
The first plane I flied with was a 4 engine, 3400 PS, with Hamilton propellers...
a Super-Starliner L1649, F-BHBO. An excellent masterpiece.
I still have that paper, I had drew its picture on it.
I was with my mother, flying to the Ivory Coast, to my father.
There was a storm, just after take-off
The pilot turned back for touch-down, but before reaching the runway, we crashed.
There was a short quake, the plane hopped like a ball and crashed.
Eleven people died. Including, my mother.
She had packed me so tight, that I didn't even get a scratch.
Whenever I have a flight, I remember that guy who lost his mother in that accident.
And ever since I know that my mother is with me I know that nothing can happen.
You get it? That's it.
Planes are my life Monsieur Kerbec.
If we say.. that you have passed the test?
- It was about to happen. - Are you sure?
But this should be kept between us Castelot.
- Is that OK? - OK.
You're a good man Monsieur Kerbec. If I were a woman, I would have married you.
- It's too late, I marry next week. - Really, whom do you marry?
- How are you? - Fine.
What about you?
Hmm, well... Castelot, my friend Alice.
- You can call me Bruno. - Nice to meet you.
Are you that lucky girl?
I marry Charlotte next week.
Congrats.
I can never say no.
- Sorry. - A drink?
Just dropped in to say hello. I wish you happiness.
- Good bye. - Good bye.
Hello.
- Where did this couch come from? - It came today. Do you like it?
Too gray. And not very comfortable to sit on.
It's not gray, ''cappuccino''.
You don't even sit, that's rather leaning.
You can't lean well. I loved my old couch.
- But it was disgusting. - No, it wasn't.
- Ludo slept on it for 3 years and never complained. - Might be right.
- How did you find me? - I asked your father.
- How are you? - Fine, it's OK.
- And you? - Not bad.
Nice suit. Do you work with your father?
What were you expecting? What is bred in the bone will never come out of the flesh
It's also stated on the signboard:
''By father to son, since 1871.''
I wouldn't destroy that tradition!
And, I even already have my successor.
Baby is on way.
I didn't know where to go, after I left the house. I called Marion.
When we met, it was like we never had parted.
We lived together since then.
And soon, we'll be three persons.
Congrats.
Thank you.
And what did you do?
I marry Charlotte next week.
Take these. I want you to be my best man
I didn't believe it when Alice told me about it.
- You meet Alice? - Yes.
Regularly.
Look Yann,
you really are a jerk.
You don't understand anything.
That lady is in love with you but you don't see it.
She is crazy about you. And see what you're doing.
Where is Alice? I have to see her.
That won't be easy. I took her to the airport, this morning.
Where did she go?
Tahiti.
Tahiti...
Look at me Yann, I can't just watch while you shit away your life.
Your wedding rings... I wish you happiness.
After my father died, I put this house up for sale.
But anyhow I also could not get parted from it.
I hadn't entered it neither.
Until that night...
We say ''my father can do everything'' when we are children.
He can do almost everything when we are 10.
He gets on our nerves, when we are 15.
He is an idiot, when we are 20...
not that silly we say, when we are 25...
If we are 30, we say if only he could be by my side.
Keep working, don't do this to me.
Work!
Don't wait for me this time.
- Are you sure? - I'm not afraid anymore.
Fuck off!
Your safety belt Monsieur.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on board for Paris-Tahiti
Your captain pilot Bruno Castelot and his crew wish you a good flight.
Excuse me captain, a man wants to talk to you before take-off.
Well, let him in. Monsieur Kerbec!
What a surprise. So happy to see you.
You're... You're gonna fly this plane?
Yes, and a bit thanks to you.
You did it my friend. You did it...
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for landing at Tahiti.
Please fasten your safeity belts.
Monsieur Kerbec... Monsieur Kerbec?
- Castelot? - Yes.
Hmm, we got a tiny problem could you come with me to the cockpit?
We've lost engine number 1. There is a problem with the fuel pump.
It's not sucking enough fuel.
One second...
- You have opened the transfer valve? - What?
- Lemegon, open the transfer valve. - OK.
- Transfer valve is open - Flight Alfa 234, turn left for direction 080.
- Keep level 70. - OK. Locked at level 70.
Damn!
We reported our emergency to the tower. They will guide us.
We are nearly at zero for number 2. As if there is no fuel anymore!
Try to transfer some fuel from the right wing to the left.
OK
-There's not enough. - Alfa 234, drop to level 50 and wait.
- Waiting at level 50. - Isolate the fuel circuits of engine 1.
- Check the function of the fuel nozzles! - OK.
- What about the transfer? - Fuel, flows to number 2.
Alfa 234, who is beside you?
Flight safety expert Yann Kerbec. He is helping us.
OK. What's your altitude?
We are about to drop to level 50. Direction is preserved.
OK.
- How much is left in number 2? - Decreasing fast.
Nearly zero. Engine is going to stop! Damn!
OK, keep calm.
- Damn! - We have lost number 2.
We're finished, fucked up!
We've switched to the batteries, there is energy for only few minutes.
We should use each second efficiently.
- Alfa 234, what's happening? - Engine number 2 failed.
We settle to gliding.
Lemacon, quit the automatic pilot. We'll change to manual. -OK.
- Good luck guys. - Thanks tower.
- We'll crash! - No, no one's gonna crash!
- We'll touchdown in gliding mode. - I can think of 3 jumbo planes...
which landed without engines. Air Transat 236 glided for...
-20 minutes before touch-down - Three of how many?
Come on tell us, 3 in how many? We'll crash!
The plane will flatten like hitting concrete!
Lemazon, you get on my nerves. Fuck off!
and sharks will queue for those lucky survivors...
Get out, I said, Lemacon!
I'm heading for the tail, will take my chance.
- Put on your mask then - And a life jacket - Alfa 234, what's happening?
Nothing at all. A small hitch No problem
- OK. - What do we do now?
- Replace him Monsieur Kerbec. - But I'm not a pilot
I give the orders here. Just sit in that damned seat.
There are 300 lives in our care. Come on!
Come on!
Nice. Safety belt.
Lanet olsun!
Pull it slowly, Monsieur Kerbec.
That can't be real! Can't be!
We switch to manual. Turn off PTU.
- Power Transfer Unit off. - Well.
We'll succeed Monsieur Kerbec. We will.
Right, we will Castelot. You and me.
Keep on going.
List for me the systems we have lost.
Stabiliser, ice solvent, GPS1 and GPS2.
- What else... - OK, OK I got it.
Get how long we can preserve our touch-down angle.
With a loss of 2500 feet per minute in altitude we may just reach the runway.
We'll fight for each centimeter.
Engines are off, we are gliding.
- Have you ever flown a glider? - Not anything that would count Monsieur Kerbec.
- Well, then you will learn it now. - OK.
- Alfa 234, the rescue crew is positioned. - OK.
- We see the runway. - We see you, too.
Monsieur Kerbec, be prepared for landing. I will land this...
damned plane softly like putting chickens in the coop. Are you ready?
- Touch-down set. - No, no! Since the engines failed, there's not any hydraulic pressure!
- Should be opened manually. - Don't waste a second then.
The ideal approach speed is 180 mph. We are about 200 mph. We're too fast.
- Number 1 touch-down set is open -1800 feet.
- Set number 2 is open - OK... Faster, 700 feet.
- Continue until the runway. -600 feet.
Preserve 5 degrees of slope. With my command, Castelot...
Elevate the nose part at the maximum! It will cause a parachute effect.
- Damn! Come on, touchdown set, Monsieur Kerbec! - How much faster can I do it!
-120 feet... - Touch-down set open and locked! Now!
So, like landing to the coop.
Thank you mom.
Hello, tower. Thank you all.
Well done guys. Great job you've done.
I'll buy the drinks tonight. You're also invited Monsieur Kerbec!
Subs translated from Turkish by Chimera with minor adjustment to English by Heph